This quote resonates with me deeply as I navigate the murky waters of heartbreak and depression. However, as hard as the pain is to deal with it, I have embraced the lessons it has taught me which I know will make me a better person in the long run. If someone had told me 3 years ago that I would be on the brink of a mental and emotional breakdown, I would have laughed in their face. Alas, no one knows what life has in store for them.
In hindsight, I guess I should have seen it coming. When you start dating one of your best friends, the last thing you expect is for everything to not be perfect. But sometimes it’s that naivety, which allows you to be blind to, ignore or overlook the cracks and reg flags that are plainly obvious. There was a safety and security I felt in dating someone I had known for years and who I thought would never hurt me in any way. Looking back now, I see that hurt can show itself in many ways and outside of the hurt and pain he caused by his actions, I recognize and acknowledge that I wasn’t perfect in the relationship either.
Through self-reflection, I’ve come to realize that I set myself up for failure by pushing for a wedding and marriage when the foundation of our relationship was cracked. Finding out 3 months after your wedding that your partner was cheating on you with a coworker for 6 months was a HUGE slap in the face. However, it was the wake up call I needed to face the reality of just how toxic our relationship was. Even so, how do you let go of someone you’ve loved for years and still love despite the hurt? Should you let go or continue to try and make things work? Question after question plagued me which left me in a deep depression as I sought to find some kind of answers.
Ultimately, after attempts at counseling and trying to make things work, I decided that separation and divorce was best. The decision wasn’t easy…..still isn’t….but it’s what I know is best for me and my well-being. Sadly, it took going through this level of pain for me to do what I needed to do in order to heal myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I’m looking forward to this journey of stepping into my power and growing to be the best version of me.